Once More
by lotrspnfangirl
Summary: After Jared's death, Jensen doesn't know how to go on. All he wants is one more day. Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki


Jensen couldn't remember how many pills he had already taken… He rolled the last two large, white tablets in his palm for a moment before popping them to the back of his throat and swallowing them down with the rest of his beer. It was completely pointless… he could take the entire bottle, and nothing would ever take away this pain. He tossed the empty bottle into the trash can and opened the fridge to grab another.

The stove light screamed that it was well past three in the morning. He popped open the top to the beer and stumbled down the hallway in the dark. Once he reached the last room, he fumbled blindly for the light switch. Reveling in the small victory as he found it, he swore when the 'click' resulted in a blown light bulb.

"Fuck this." He stripped out of his clothes, kicking them to the side before taking the few steps required to cross to the bed in the center of the room and let himself fall into it. Propped up against the pillows, he swallowed down his beer in just a few gulps. He let the bottle fall with a clank to the floor and rolled onto his side, pulling the pillow beside him close to his chest.

He pressed his face into the fabric, inhaling deeply. He could still smell the green apple scent of Jared's shampoo… He clung to the pillow as tears sprang to his eyes. The pain in his chest threatened to split him in half. He squeezed his eyes tightly, his knuckles turning white as he gripped the edges of the pillows. In the darkness, the scent of Jared that clung to the sheets surrounded him. One more day, he would give anything and everything for that. Suddenly, a cry ripped through the silence and as sobs began to wrack his body, Jensen realized the sound had come from him.

"Shhhh Baby, it's going to be okay…" a hand reached out to him, rubbing circles on his back. He felt the bed dip, the warmth of a body pushing against his and strong arms wrapping around him.

"Jared?" Jensen whispered, his voice cracking.

"I'm here baby." Jared's hands tightened around his waist, pulling him closer.

"How?" He coughed, another sob shaking through his chest. "How can that be?"

"It doesn't matter, Jen." Jared loosened his grip slightly, pulling on Jensen's hips to roll him over. "Come here."

"Jay…" Jensen whispered, moving with Jared to face him. He finally opened his eyes to see large hazel eyes staring back at him. He raised a hand slowly, brushing a lock of brown hair away from Jared's face. "I missed you so much… so fucking much."

"I know." Jared pulled their foreheads together, wrapping his arms around Jensen's back. "But I'm here now." Jensen nodded into Jared's chest, clinging to his back. He breathed in Jared's scent, surrounding himself with the warmth radiating off of the other man. Slowly, Jensen pulled back, leaning up to meet Jared in a kiss.

Jared's lips were soft and warm against his. Hands trailed up his back to his neck, deepening their kiss. Jensen let his mouth fall open as Jared claimed his mouth fully, moaning softly as he pressed them back so Jensen was laying flat on his back with Jared pressed perfectly against him.

"So perfect." Jared whispered, pulling back to kiss down Jensen's neck. He pressed his tongue against Jensen's pulse point before biting gently and making Jensen gasp. Arousal pooled low in his stomach, and he pushed his hips up, pressing himself against Jared's abdomen. Jared pressed down against him and started kissing down his chest in response. "I missed this… I missed you…" He purred, licking until he claimed a nipple in his mouth, sucking gently. Jensen ran his hands through Jared's hair, gripping tightly.

"Jared… I need you." He whispered, throwing his head back. Jared's fingers and mouth pressed against him, continuing to move down.

"I know baby." Jared's breath was hot against his cock. Jensen looked down to meet Jared's eyes. Jared smiled, pink tongue jutting out from his mouth to lick a hot, wet stripe up Jensen's shaft.

"God, Jared." He moaned, gripping Jared's hair harder. Jensen could feel Jared's smile as he slipped his mouth over the head of Jensen's cock. Jared moved slowly up and down on Jensen's cock, his hand making quick work of rolling Jensen's balls in his palm. Jensen jerked his hips up, groaning as Jared opened his mouth wider to accommodate him. As Jared bobbed up and down, swirling his tongue around the head of Jensen's cock on every upstroke, Jensen could feel his balls tightening, his toes starting to tingle. "Jay…" He moaned his warning before coming hard and fast into the back of Jared's throat. Jared was humming against his cock, milking him through his orgasm and licking the last drops of Jensen's release before crawling back up to kiss Jensen.

"Love the way you say my name." He said, crushing their lips together. Jared ran his hands down Jensen's body, brushing over his sensitive cock, and dancing lightly over his entrance. Jensen let his legs fall open, allowing Jared more access as he heard the tell tale sign of a cap opening. Jared pressed a slicked up finger inside of Jensen. "So tight baby…" He whispered, kissing Jensen as he stroked gently.

Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared's neck, pushing his tongue into Jared's mouth as he felt another finger pressed inside of him. Jared's fingers twisted and scissored, stretching and pressing at Jensen's most intimate spots. Jared added a third, long fingers pressing and brushing against the sensitive spots inside of him.

"Jared, please. Make love to me." Jensen arched his hips up, his cock once again full and heavy against his stomach. Jared kissed him again, pulling his fingers out and shifting his hips so he was pressed against Jensen.

"I love you." Jared said, meeting Jensen's gaze as he pressed in slowly. Jensen moaned softly, trying to relax as Jared pushed in and filled him completely. He kissed Jensen's forehead, waiting for Jensen to adjust.

"I love you, too." Jensen whispered, rolling his hips to let Jared know he was ready. Jared pulled back, setting a slow pace. Jensen met each of Jared's thrusts with a roll of his hips, pulling at Jared's shoulders to urge him to move faster. "Come on Jay… need you…"

Jared pulled back, almost slipping out of Jensen's tight wet hole before shoving in completely, his balls slapping against Jensen's ass. Jensen clenched around Jared, pulling their mouths together in a wet and messy kiss. Jared started moving, thrusting harder and faster in desperate need. The only sound in the room was the slap of skin against skin, and the gasps and moans between them.

"So close, Jay…" Jensen cried out as Jared hit his prostate again, causing a tremor to run through him. Jared shifted, making sure he hit the same spot again.

"Come with me, baby." He whispered, slamming harder into Jensen, his thrusts becoming more erratic as his orgasm started to claim him. Jared reached between them, wrapping his hand around Jensen's leaking cock, pumping him at the same pace he was thrusting.

"Jared!" Jensen cried out. He could feel Jared's warmth filling him and he felt his own orgasm build up before releasing between them. Breathing hard, Jared collapsed on top of him, pulling them closer together.

"Love you so much." Jared whispered into Jensen's hair, kissing his temple.

"Love you too." Jensen replied, closing his eyes. He was wrapped in the scent of Jared, their love making and their warmth. His eyes felt heavy with sleep and rolled over to press his lips against Jared's. "Jay… why are you here?" He whispered, still keeping his eyes closed.

"It's time, Jen." Jared replied sadly, squeezing Jensen's body tightly.

"How many did I take?"

"Enough…" Jensen opened his eyes to look up at Jared. It pained him to see Jared looking so sad.

"I tried…" He whispered, tears threatening behind his eyes again.

"I know you did, baby." Jared smiled and kissed him softly.

"Will it hurt?"

"No." Jared shook his head and ran a hand down Jensen's cheek to brush away the few tears that had slipped out.

"And you won't leave me?" Jensen's voice cracked at the thought of being alone again.

"I will never leave you again." Jared promised, reaching down to take Jensen's hand. Their fingers intertwined and Jensen ran his thumb over Jared's knuckles. For the first time in the past eight months, Jensen felt whole again, wrapped up in Jared's arms. He leaned deeper into Jared's chest, a smile creeping to his lips. He nodded once, squeezing Jared's hand.

"I'm ready."


End file.
